 |
| 1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into
jet engines. |
| 2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency
on my part. |
| 3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you
look hard enough. |
| 4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people
without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly. |
|
| 5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and
ability. |
| 6. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility
tomorrow. |
| 7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually
confirm what I think. |
| 8. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER! |
| 9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the
knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to
a day in the average office. |
| 10. It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be
without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would
be completely different. |
| 11. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts.
Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die.
So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do
at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts. |
| 12. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve
it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone
Ranger handle this?" |
| 13. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days
you are the statue. |
| 14. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through
the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail. |
| 15. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost
theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation. |
| 16. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask
you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not. |
| 17. If you treat the people around you with love and respect,
they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked. |
| 18. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you
ever tried. |
| 19. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab
them in the back. |
| 20. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of
it for themselves. |
| 21. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying
to those of us who do. |
| 22. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless
smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'.
Go figure. |
| 23. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much
ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do. |
| 24. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one
you mainly keep under your desk. |
| 25. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who
never win and never quit are idiots. |
| 26. If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes
- make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast. |
27. Remember the 3 golden rules:
1. It was like that
when I got here.
2. I didn't do it.
3. (To your Boss) I like your style. |
| 28. The office is like an army, and I'm the field general.
You're my footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!! |
| 29. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky
scenario. |
| 30. Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more
for leaning on than illumination. |
| 31. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem
really yours or just half of someone else's? |
| 32. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready
to fly?.... |
| 33. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have
to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and
sober!! |
| 34. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel,
but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work. |
| 35. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile
of CVs in the bin without reading them. |
| |
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